Inconstant as the Tide

The Bellerophon Blues

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 18:14:24 GMT

I have more or less decided that I will not be happy until I have an Iguana Friend. I am in the process of collecting potential names for Iguana Friend, my favorite so far being Hephaestion. When I was a kid I hat a pet iguana, though he was a second hand iguana and came to me severely malnourished. He survived just long enough for me to love him utterly. Then he curled into a little ball, turned brown, and died. New Iguana Friend will not be malnourished. Other potential names include: Bellerophon, Lilavati, Foucault.

Søren and I got together for Thanksgiving dinner last night. I was not expecting much out of the Tofurky, but it was quite nice. I actually seem to like fake meat products. I also made a citrus meringue pie, with clementines and limes, that came out of the oven looking rather unappetizing, but which tasting quite good. I keep undermining my diet plans by making incredibly sugary deserts. This pie was intensely sweet.

In related news, I have begun a new exercise program as part of my plan to stay fit and happy through the coming months. I need to examine my diet more thoroughly to make sure that I am fulfilling all of my dietary requirements, too.

Did you know that iguanas turn blue when they are happy? They do!

I Am a Lion and You Are a Bear; the Both of Us Are Kings

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:46:01 GMT

Kindly, Søren has given me more than enough material with which to make a pair of fake fur jodhpurs. I am more excited than I reasonably should be. I have always thought that the best costumes are the ones which can be integrated into one's wardrobe. I am thrilled at the thought of fake fur jodhpurs as day wear. Fear the wonderful lunacy that my wardrobe shall be!

I am developing a five year plan for my wardrobe, the ultimate project of which is to create a stockpile of perfectly deranged clothing. I do think that the art of dressing is really just a matter of building the proper wardrobe. It's easy to dress idiosyncratically when your wardrobe is composed of kimonos and jodhpurs and lace blouses and admiralty hats. I think the line between fashion and costume lies entirely in the way one comports oneself when dressed. Jeans and a t-shirt can be just as costumey as an outfit composed entirely out of left overs from a Halloween Store supersale on the day after Halloween. Ease and command are key.

I am absolutely caught up in ideas right now, and I'm having a hell of time manifesting them. Maybe it is my fiery nature, I am leonine and I've been doing a lot of roaring lately. I need to get myself to do more than just roar, though. I think, partly, I'm afraid of what I will do once I get moving. That said, I'm mostly harmless.

I've Been Finding Strange Pentacles

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:40:59 GMT

I wandered into the Goodwill on Centre this afternoon looking for a wool cape or cloak, or something, as things like that occasionally show up there, but instead found a copy of A.E. Waite's Pictorial Key to the Tarot. I've been looking for some more general books on the tarot, and I was happy to find this one for a dollar at Goodwill. If anyone has any other suggestions for good books on the subject, I'd be glad to hear them.

I got out a copy of Elizabeth Hazel's Tarot Decoded from the Carnegie Library a while back and I've found it quite useful as well. Her book deals largely with card combinations, elemental and astrological dignities, as well numerological attributions. It seem like a useful guide for discovering deeper layers to meanings and understanding the more subtle interactions of the cards. This is a book that I'm considering purchasing for my own private collection.

In related news, I've been listening to a lot of pagan podcasts. The trend started off when I encountered a former high school friend on facebook who is part of the team responsible for PCP: The Pagan Centered Podcast. PCP is frequently entertaining more for the in jokes and general bitchiness than anything else. They do often focus on particular subjects of interest in the pagan world, and are occasionally quite informative about particular faiths and paths, but I honestly do not find them to be a useful resource so much as an entertaining link to the pagan and metaphysical community. However, I will admit that my focus at the moment is not at all on a faith path, so I find the discussion of various faiths to be interesting as curios only.

My favorite pagan podcast by far is Media Astra Ac Terra. The host's interests seem to lie more directly in line with mine, as she addresses the practical aspects of magic, astrology, and mineral attributions. I enjoy her demeanor, and her podcast is put together very cleanly. This is easily the most informative of the pagan podcasts that I've stumbled upon.

I've also started listening to A Pagan in the Threshold, which is amusing, if largely fluffy. The hostess is working through a Wiccan text book, and I'm listening along mostly since it's nice to track someone else along a path, even a radically different one, as I progress through my own studies.

I've been thinking about starting my own podcast for a while, now, and the more podcasts I listen to, the more I think that I am more than capable of putting something together. Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll come up with some themes that I can reliably talk about on at least a monthly basis.

I've also just finished the first draft of my artist statement, which I've sent out to the people who have expressed interest in reading it. If anyone else is curious or thinks they would have some insights, I'd be glad to forward it along. I'm actually quite pleased to have finished the thing before November, as I did not want to worrying about both my word count and my artist statement.

I'm really looking forward to NaNoWriMo this year, and I'm hoping to actually win. I don't have any good reason not to be able to this year, so as long as I keep myself bent to the task, I should be successful!

In closing, Happy Halloween!

It's a Circle! Here's a Circle! Circle! Circle! Circle!

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:30:07 GMT

I've been slipping into a classic country mood, more and more. There's something about the wonderful jauntiness of some of those old songs that wrap around those totally devastated lyrics that has been sending chills down my spine. Which isn't to say that I'm feeling jauntily devastated. I'm surprisingly clear headed, given the circumstances, and strangely relaxed, though content feels like too strong a word.

I'm resuming work on some of the projects that I put on hold for the last month or so, including my graduate school applications. Luckily, I've got some wonderful allies who are being incredibly helpful with the process. I'm slowly managing to properly photograph all of work, and I'm think I've got about five usable photos (which is better than nothing). Lighting is a nightmare, and that's what's causing the hang up. Also, as my work is so reliant on its dimensionality, it's hard to take photographs that adequately reflect the depth of my sculptures. Still, I soldier on!

My artist statement is still rather a mess, but I've been making progress figuring out what it needs to say, so I should be able to bang the thing out pretty shortly. I would really appreciate any comments or criticism that anyone can provide me once I've written it, so let me know if you're interested in reading it.

My various studies are progressing apace. I had been concerned about my motivations, but it seems that I am, in fact, pursuing this path for my own sake, and no one else's. While I feel this makes my motivations less altruistic, it also means that I am more likely to become truly adept. It's a circle, I suppose.

Everything in my life is reflexive, right now. Every position gives its antecedent. I should stop before I fall too far into poetics and start making even less sense than I'm making now.

White Contains the Potential of All the Colors, Black Contains Their Manifestation

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:22:27 GMT

I realize that I say this every autumn, but I'm going to say it again: the coming months shall witness the banishment of color from my wardrobe. I should modify that statement and add that I will still allow color in small amounts (socks, scarves, cosmetics and the like) but that the vast majority of new clothing purchases this fall and winter will be black and grey.

I want to thank everyone that came to my birthday party, I had a truly great time. Honestly, I was on the verge of cancelling the party earlier in the week as the stress of pulling everything together and my own messy head space were freaking me out (for no apparent reason). I felt a bit of fool for not coming up with a proper costume, but I wasn't the only one, so I don't feel so bad. Of course, I also should have known better than to through a complex costume party during the hottest month of the year. I'm thinking of trying this again when the weather is more agreeable.

Also, I've just set up a simple portfolio site. It was free, and also the least tacky of all the free portfolio services I could find. The advertisements are fairly tasteful and limited to a sidebar. The service offers a pay version which eliminates the ads and gives you more stuff, but the free site runs so slowly that they aren't doing a very good job marketing their other services. Also, some browsers seem to have difficulty formating the pages properly, but, like I said, it's free. I intend to buy my own domain and design my own site at some time in the indefinite future, but I wanted to establish a web presence for my work as quickly as possible.

Casting the Tattered Remains of the Poet into the River

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 03:46:43 GMT

In an act of litereary masochism, I have decided that August will be the Month of Sonnets! I shall endeavor to write one sonnet a day. Really, this shouldn't be hard. The basic mechanics of the sonnet are simple. You've got a basic form into which you plug words that fit the pattern. I don't expect any of the resulting poems to be good. This is to be an excercise in creative momentum, not creative quality (of which I am already fairly confident). I may post the more successful poems here. I expect the months between August and November to be taken over by the revision of said poems. Hopefully I'll end the process with a handful of decent sonnets.

I've decided that I am definitely actually going to participate in National Novel Writing Month this year, instead of my usual half-hearted, rather limp, maybe I'll go to a meeting if I don't have anything better to do (like drink tea and glower at my cat). I have a few ideas already, though I'm not going to force myself to keep to the precise rules of the game. I may just continue on with something I'm already working on.

In other news, I went to one of the downtown gallery crawls in the middle of this month. I was honestly surprised by the quality of some of the work on display in the various galleries. The Wood Street Gallery had a collection of robotic art from various artists. My favorites were a machine that made green wax rings on the floor, and a social anxiety machine that spun around and roared at people. I took some photos.

The photo doesn't do the social anxiety machine justice. The piece is called Spatial Sounds, and was made by Marnix de Nijs and Edwin van der Heide. A good deal of my enjoyment came from watching people try and interact with the thing (the thing was interactive, but the actual mechanisms of its behavior were opaque to me) and recoil in fright when the machine would moan and roar at them. I also spent a good deal of time clapping my hands and giggling when I successfully made the machine roar at me and then spin around screaming.

The highlight of the gallery crawl, though, was a musical performance by Melissa St.Pierre. She plays the prepared piano and uses a delay pedal to produce some really amazing sounds. Seeing her perform live was an awesome experience, as the cramped venue, Future Tenant, resonated and pulsed with the wonderful noise.

August is going to be a month packed full of activity for me, as I'm also planning on spending the month intensely practicing the accordion. I want to be at public performance level for September. My plan is to start busking through the fall once the temperature drops to the point that I won't sweat through my shirt after five minutes of accordion playing. I also want to refine my skills so that I can sing and play at the same time. I can already kind of shout/sing over the accordion as I play, but I'm not sure that counts. I might want to go the accordion punk route with my busking, but I think I will also want to have some softer moments.

A Feast of Truffles, Oysters, Pineapple and Champagne

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 20:49:09 GMT

I've been reading a good deal recently, and I've realized that I've forgotten to mention some of the books I've read. I think I'm going to follow jess_s's lead and use my Goodreads account to keep track of them all. I signed up with Goodreads almost a year ago at Jess' suggestion and barely used it, though now that I'm reading more I'm beginning to see the advantage of using their service.

I'm having mixed results with the accordion. It is becoming apparent that I need to find someone in the city who can either service it for me, or explain to me how to care for it myself (or at least someone who isn't trying to lure me into his basement on the Southside). The Baron, as my accordion shall henceforth be referred to, whistles and clicks and groans and blends some notes together. While I actually kind of like this, I've noticed some of these behaviors becoming more prominent, and I want to learn to how to control them before the instrument becomes irreparably damaged.

Frustratingly, I'm creatively becalmed with my visual work right now. I think I have explored everything that I need to say right now with my fiber rings, though I will likely return to them in the future. I'm developing some new forms in my head, though I'm currently lacking the materials necessary to realize them. I'll need to go shopping for supplies soon. I am taking this time to figure out the mechanics of the construction of the new forms, though, so I don't feel like I'm entirely wasting my time.

I have had some success with the revision of my novella, and should be finished with the first revision shortly. The fledgling writing group critiqued part 1 last week quite positively (though they did raise legitimate concerns, several of which I will address in the next round of revision), and I'm feeling confident about the work and my portrayal of the major themes.

Overall, the first half of this year has seen me being quite productive. I've accomplished a good deal and I'm really pleased with where I am positioned in regards to my plans. My only real complaint is that I haven't been keeping up with my party schedule. I need to start planning now my party for July, which, due to the holiday, will likely be toward the end of the month.

Have I announced the theme for my birthday party yet? I really can't remember if I have or not. Regardless, this year, the theme shall be Things Usually Found in Novels.

The Act of Creation is Both and Act of Destruction and Transformation

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:35:54 GMT

I have long been thinking about abstraction. My artwork has been dominated by abstraction for the vast majority of my adult life. Within the continuum of my work, abstraction has almost always served as a distancing technique, to place the artifacts against the viewer. My work has had, in its softness, a confrontational edge. Recently, however, I have found myself employing abstraction to the opposite effect. As my current work becomes more formally abstracted, I find it becoming more conceptually accessible. My concept is no longer masked by abstraction, but communicated through it. Of course, it's also entirely possible that my work has not changed at all and that I am simply analyzing it in a different fashion. My work as an artist is one of constant self-analysis and psychic self exploration, and I have also recently begun a much more systematized approach to my personal meditations.

I am, despite my objections to formalism (as heartless, cold, and without meaning), a formalist at heart. The vast majority of my concerns in the physical production of artwork are formal. Surface texture, color and ornamention are formost in my mind when I attempt an artpiece. The physical manifestation of an artwork is governed by formal concerns, and the trick is to transcend formalism through the use of formal techniques (all techniques are formal?) and create a work capable of embodying meaning. Formalist analysis tends to deny the possibility of meaning in any form, and so I do not often ally myself with formalism as a form of art criticism.

Of course, I frequently describe myself as a Post-Modernist, so the above comments should surprise no one.

It's Kind of Like a Game, Only it's a Neurosis

Fri, 22 May 2009 18:36:03 GMT

I was rather disappointed in myself for April, as I only managed to finish one book, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. I was surprised at how genuinely good it was, though I really suspect that one can get away with just watching one of the several movie adaptations. If you like gothics and nineteenth century literature, it's certainly worth reading.

Artistically, despite me recent professional defeats, I've been doing rather well. My work has taken a strange turn recently, becoming both more dark and more hopeful. All I seem to be concerned with recently is destruction, transformation, and rebirth. Alex suggests that it's because I'm dating a magician.

I have been suffering from a strange feeling of stillness, creatively, though. I slip back and forth between states of creative comfort and creative doldrums. I think it may be time for me to move on to other forms, but I hesitate to stop my current explorations. I feel I don't have enough of any one thing to present as a total body of work, but I'm also not sure if I should be worrying about that.

I try always to present stories in my work, or rather continuums of mood. Every piece that I create relates to its predecessors in some way, my art is in constant dialogue with itself (I also worry about the potential solipsism this could foster). Therefore, I want to ensure that I build up enough of a catalogue of work that the thematic progressions become visible. Can you see the shift through death, pride, and growth? I'm not sure yet.

At the very least, I should probably stop burning plastic before I give myself a brain tumor. I wonder how long it took Eva Hesse fooling around with resins before her brain started destroying itself.

I think I have figured out how to fix the second part of Soft, Sweet Starlight . I'm retooling the former lover (I think I've got him mostly fixed, though now the narrative is much less kind to the main character), introducing more characters, cutting the shopping scene, and possibly removing the sex scene (which didn't really work anyway).

I'm almost certain that the intended romance of Soft, Sweet Starling is lost on the reader. The lack of emotion, the chillness of the piece is all there for a reason. It is exsanguinated, because that is how the main character presents herself. She is a high gloss magazine photo shoot: no feeling, no thought, no blood. There is one instance in the narrative where she shows actual emotion, but it's such a small movement that I don't know if the reader will notice it, or care. There are things going on behind the narrative, and I don't want to make them more emphatic, as I think that would weaken the novella.

There are changes that need to be made, however, and I will be sending people the revised version as soon as I have completed it.

I have also begun work on another story, about a paranormal anti-detective agency. I'm rather excited for this one, as well.

My accordion studies are progressing. I can produce actual music now. The Organ Bear and I seem to more or less understand each other. I can now play minor chords and have a vague understand of several major keys. D major might be my favorite, since it goes weird very easily. Of the four major keys I've learned (C,D,F and G), D sounds the oddest.

I have a handful of musical projects bouncing around my head right now, too. I want to do this accordion and percussion project tentatively called We Live in the Forest and, of course, I'm still fooling around with ideas for Wire Mother.

In other, unrelated, news, I'm teaching myself how to juggle. Also, L'Oreal Lineur Intense Felt Tip Liquid Eyeliner in Carbon Black is my new favorite thing.

There's something going on here, behind the text.

We're Cooler than Television

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:51:24 GMT

I've begun the revisions of Soft, Sweet Starlight. I read through it all last night and identified three scenes that need rewriting and one that should be cut completely. I have discussed it a bit with Søren, and he says that no one seems to feel anything in my novella, which is true to a certain extent, and it makes the one character who does appear even more histrionic. I intend to partially remedy that with my revisions. I purposefully condensed the action of Soft, Sweet Starlight, though Søren called it, "utterly bloodless," which I rather approve of. It is an exsanguinated novel. I'm just not sure if it actually functions in that state, or if I have removed too much of the vital substance. As is the problem with experimental film, it's quite hard to tell if this experiment is a success.

Unfortunately, I was not accepted into the Associated Artists of Pittsburgh, though the Chairperson of Membership wrote what she meant as an encouraging note on the bottom of the letter expressing her surprise at my rejection (unfortunatly, again, the general tone of the letter was of such complete condesention that her addendum came off as a slap in the face). I am fairly annoyed with the Associated Artists right now.

Made and Done with More to Come

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 23:38:19 GMT

The first draft of Soft, Sweet Starlight is now finished! Anyone who wants to read my deeply flawed novella about self-objectification, gender, fashion, and space pirates should get in touch with me; I badly need some constructive criticism.

In other news, the Wine and Blasphemy Party went quite well, even if everyone save Søren left before midnight (which is understandable for those who needed to catch the bus, but really . . .). Of course, I can't really complain as I dissappeared for a bit over an hour to see Alex off to catch his bus. We never got around to properly blaspheming, or rather, we never got around to blaspheming within the framework which I had previously constructed involving the dessicration of religious pamphlets. Most conversations I have with people end up being pretty blasphemous.

I read quite a bit last month, finishing off two Delaney novels (which was a bad idea as now all other science fiction is supremely dissappointing), and the Fountainhead. I have to say that the Fountainhead surprised me. I was expecting to hate it (to be fair, I did), but Ayn Rand did impress me. She is a good writer, it's just a shame she uses her power for evil. Most of her characters are largely unbelievable, and neither of her female characters make sense as people, let alone women. Still, if you can deal with six hundred some pages of mild irritation, it's worth the read.

Of the two Delaney novels, I most enjoyed The Einstein Intersection even if I'm not sure if it makes any sense. I'll need to read it again to see if I can figure out just what is supposed to be going on. At the very least, it's set well after the collapse of human civilization and the Earth is populated by beings that may or may not be human or even corporeal.

Nova was the other Delaney novel, and it is a much more conventional science fiction book. Nova is quite influenced by the Tarot, and makes for a fun read. I have no idea if the sciencey bits actually hold together, but it's a short book and well worth the effort.

I've also sent in my application to join the Associated Artists of Pittsburgh. I'm really looking forward to getting in, though, as I have been told by people who actually know what they're talking about, I shouldn't let it get to me if I don't get it. The actual screening is next weekend, and I've opted to provide seven images (which I have already done) and then three physical artworks. So, on Sunday the nineteenth I'm going to be striking off to the PCA with my art on my back and hoping I impress the screening committee. This being an artist thing is really kind of fun.

All of Nature is Renewed by Fire

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 05:02:17 GMT

This afternoon I walked to Millvale to visit Panza Gallery and talk with Mark. This is the first day I've had off since the close of my show that has been so absolutely beautiful. I paused on my walk about halfway across the George Washiongton Crossing Bridge and looked up river, away from the city. The sun was high behind me and the hills rolling out to the horizon were covered in barren trees. My field of vision was a study in dust and dirt and bark. I want those trees to be entirely dead. I want that moment of beautiful desolation to stretch on and on.

At the gallery, Mark was very pleased with the work I had chosen to give him to hang, and we cleared a space and put the pieces up straight away. I also ran into Sarah and we had a wonderful conversation about family, love, art, sex, and the destruction of monotheism. Sarah also kindly gave me a ride into Oakland to see the University of Pittsburgh Studio Arts Senior Exhibition. I have to say that this year it is really stellar. There are a handful of really great pieces, and some people that I wasn't expecting to produced some damn wonderful work. While in the Fine Arts building I stopped by the printmaking studio and found Adrian, and we chatted about grad school and the thrill and terror of it all.

I spent the rest of the day hanging and photographing my work to get it ready for submission to the Associated Artists of Pittsburgh screening on April tenth. I'm very excited and very afraid. I've been working more on my submission for a show themed on the seven deadly sins, as well. I'm working on pride, though I have some vague ideas for sloth and wrath that I may explore as well.

At this point, I'm really rather not expecting to sleep tonight, and am planning to spend the night burning things (not bridges, though). I'm pleased with my experiments with scorched art so far, and so want to keep working with these techniques.

While some things have transpired which have made me consider not announcing this, I'm going to have a party, Friday the tenth at seven o'clock. Everyone is invited. I've been meaning to have a Wine and Blasphemy Party for some time and Good Friday seems rather ideal.

Group Activities

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 03:32:17 GMT

I keep loosing track of dates. April tenth is the deadline to have my application materials submitted to the Associated Artists of Pittsburgh. I missed the deadline for the Pittsburgh Society of Artists Guild, but that was a conscious decision. I'm not sure if there's much sense in belonging to both guilds, and I don't really understand the difference between the two of them (their websites aren't very forthcoming).

There are a couple of shows coming up that I'm submitting to, and I'm looking forward to kick starting my career. I had a brief conversation with someone a week or so ago wherein I realized that I need to cast my net wider and start looking for opportunities outside of Pittsburgh (where there's an audiencee, they said).

In related news, my father lent me his camera, to my surprise, and I've been fooling around working on some of my photographic ideas. I need to thinks on my compositions more, as I'm not achieving the scale shifts I'm aiming for. That said, I'm pleased with some of the results, even though this project requires further exploration. I will share some of the more successful shots, though.

My parents have been very supportive of my endeavors ever since the success of Bright Colors and Happiness, and have been practically showering me with stuff. This weekend we went shopping for art supplies, and I now have more tulle than I know what to do with. Thirteen yards of tulle is an awful lot of tulle. Also, fear me and my access to screen printing!

Coaxing the Organ Bear

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:31:05 GMT

Last week I bought an eggplant, and it was delicious. I hadn't realized how far you can stretch an eggplant when you're only cooking for one person, but I got burritos, grilled eggplant sandwiches, and a curry all out of one eggplant. Of course there was a lot of other stuff in those meals as well (brown rice and tofu have become the foundation of my diet recently). This week has been a study in the variations of grilled cheese. Next week I'm planning a seafood pasta, and maybe a vegetarian lasagna, too.

I haven't been keeping up with my accordion practice as much as I'd like, partly because I'm a bit afraid of the thing. Playing it is kind of like wrestling an organ, or a bear, or a strange organ/bear amalgam animal. The accordion wants to make noise, and I want it to make noise, but I feel like the playing of it is a matter of finesse. I need to be able to coax it into making the kinds of noises I want.

In related news, I've been working on some songs for the Drone Band (as yet unnamed, though Soren and I have been kicking around some ideas). I recorded a demo last night, but listening to it again this morning, I'm not pleased with it at all. I need to rework the vocals and the melody isn't right, though G Minor is an awesome key. I think the Drone Band needs more a more shouty speak singing kind of approach. Less melody, more punk.

Alex had asked me what my intent for the Drone Band was, and after asking him to rephrase the question into a form that I could answer (Intent? What the hell is that?) I responded that I want to induce a simultaneous feeling of apathy and existential dread. The Drone Band is meant to ominous and powerful, but also at times unnervingly delicate. It is supposed to be the elephant in the corner.

I'm also working on Soft, Sweet Starlight, again, and have nearly figured out the ending. I was originally going to do something nasty and kill off the main character right before the climax (which I think would have been thematically appropriate, but also unnecessarily cruel to the reader as well as unpublishable). As the novella nears completion I am feeling much more confident about it, and I should be ready to begin some of the initial revisions almost immediately.

And Then, After That

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:51:38 GMT

Unfortunately, I did not achieve as much in February as I had intended to.

I only read one book, a pair of novellas by Tanith Lee, called Companions on the Road. Tanith Lee is a good writer, her works are affecting, though largely without substance. She is a romance writer, but romance in the traditional sense of grand adventure and high emotion. The stories are joined by the motif of travelers being pursued, though there is little thematic relation. Tanith Lee has written better works, and I would suggest you read those instead.

This month, though, I've already finished one book, though, so I'm off to a good start. It's just an Agatha Christie mystery novel, Dead Man's Mirror, a collection of three short novellas. Hercule Poirot was always my favorite of Agatha Christie's characters, and he is his charming self in these three stories.

I'm also working on Samuel R. Delaney's The Einstien Intersection, suggested by Django's book review, and Soren lent me the text, as well as Delaney's Nova. I do not like military and hard SF, so some of Django's criticism of the book does not sound with me. So far, it's very good, and I would recommend it.

On Saturday I took down Bright Colors and Happiness. I also made another sale that day, and have this sold a total of six pieces. I'm feeling very energized about my work. This was precisely what I needed to cement my knowledge that I am, in fact, and artist.

For everyone that wasn't able to make it, what follows are some photos from the gallery to give you feel of my recent work and the installation.

The show was a great deal of fun to put together, and I learned, I think, a good deal from the experience. This next month I've got a lot of projects going, and I'm really going to try to keep up my momentum.

Parts of, "No."

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:34:38 GMT

I've been thinking a lot about selectivity, lately, and how the people in my life put their worlds together. Almost all of the people that I spend time around have very carefully constructed their world views and their own roles within those worlds. I'm certainly not criticizing this approach. I myself am a creature of artifice; I've long followed the axiom, "Fake it 'til you make it." It just strikes me that when these things go wrong, you can too easily end up trapped in your own solipsistic universe.

This is also the last week of my exhibition, so if any of you want to see it and haven't yet managed, Saturday is your last chance. I do have some pretty good photos of my work in the gallery that I need to sort through. I'll post them once I've finished tinkering, probably this weekend. While in the gallery, Mark and I discussed the importance of maintiaining one's momentum, and also of making sure one can eat. It seems to me like this shouldn't be as difficult a balance to strike as it is for me. I need to learn to cultivate my creative trance state, I think.

It's going to be odd taking the show down, but I think I'll enjoy it. It's been a good experience and I feel like I've learned some of what it is to be an artist having done it.

Giant Robot Horse

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 03:51:52 GMT

Aside from some increasingly troublesome brain problems, things are going pretty well.

In news unrelated to anything, I'm increasingly in love with Nina Hagen. While it's true that her vocal style is frequently abrasive, she's the only person I've heard sing songs about making out with the divine principle.

Find Yourself a Wolf Tonight

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:56:24 GMT

I am proud to announce the release of The Tower Inverted, Soldiers & Sailors first, and final, album.

Music in Fifths

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 03:38:48 GMT

As I know I haven't yet mentioned this, I have succeeded in convincing my father to let me have his old accordion. It had been sitting in the garage largely ignored ever since my family moved into the new house. We moved into the new house twenty years ago. Amazingly, the instrument is in wonderful condition. It buzzes a bit, but I suspect that has something to do with dust in the reeds, or that something inside has jiggled loose. I have heard rumours of an accordion repair shop in Squirrel Hill that I'll need to hunt down, as I'm sure the machine requires some basic maintenance performed at the very least.

The instrument itself is gorgeous. It's black and white with chrome detailing. The white keys are fake mother of pearl. My father told me today as he was driving me back to m apartment that his dad bought it for him used fourty-seven years ago, so I really have idea how old the thing actually is. It's a real antique, and I'm amazed that it's in such good condition. I'm really looking forward to terrorizing the streets of Pittsburgh this summer with my accordion technique.

I'm still planning on acquiring a ukelelee, but it's no longer as pressing as I have obtained an even more improbable instrument to keep me entertained.

Essence and Amorphous Shape

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:24:59 GMT

The opening of Bright Colors and Happiness went exquisitely well last night. I couldn't be more pleased with how the show came together. I'm also now officially an artist: I made my first sale.

From the Corpses Flowers Grow

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:22:14 GMT

While I am rather dissapointed in my inability to get into the gallery early to begin installing my work, I am feeling increasingly good about the show. Tonight I am reorganizing all of my work, breaking it into units for display, and experimenting on my walls with some different display techniques. It is a bit frustrating that today and tomorrow are supposed to both have only about twenty degree highs. I could use milder weather right now. The weekend is supposed to be quite warm, however, so there's no threat of snow on opening night.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm wearing on Saturday. I'm leaning towards wearing my cropped fur coat at least. I'll probably end up in my pin striped jeans, heels, and a tee shirt (the, "My boyfriend…" shirt, most likely). Maybe my cadet cap as well.

I torched one of my tori last night, and I'm considering including it, with some further modifications, in the show.

I've been writing poetry again, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'll be forcing it onto people soon, I'm sure.

Strangely, one of the things I'm most looking forward to this weekend is baking several dozen cupcakes. I'm making Coconut Lime cupackes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, and possibly the Green Tea Cupcakes as well. I feel like I should have three varieties, but I haven't decided what the other one should be yet, maybe just vanilla or chocolate.

Assembled Piece

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 22:25:30 GMT

As Saturday approaches, I'm becoming increasingly anxious and increasingly calm. Adrian and I are hanging the show on Thursday, and I'm a touch nervous about getting everything set up in time, as we'll probably only have about two hours. I've mostly figured out the method of display I'll be using, but I'm planning on keeping myself open to any ideas that come along during the hanging. Adrian and I are going to intermingle our work in one of the two rooms, and leave the other alone. Hopefully our work won't compete this way.

I've finished three more pieces for the show, and I'm reworking another. I should have plenty of work in combination with Adrian to fill the space. I am a bit concerned that the show is going to be very intense and visually distracting. Between Adrian's exquisite detail work and my intense texture and color combinations, the show could be overpowering. Lighting will be important.

I haven't managed to read as much as I've wanted this last month, finishing only one novel. I'm not entirely pleased with Dracula. It is a perfect study in the Gothic form, and I rather rather enjoy Gothic novels, this one just felt masturbatory. The slow opening section, the sea side interlude, the uptempo middle portion, and the the rush to the end, followed by a perfunctory epilogue just left me feeling a bit drained and slightly dissappointed. The book never quite fulfilled on it's promise. It is a fun adventure, and while it occasionally hints about making some commentary on the nature of man and his interaction with death, it never resolved into anything concrete. The heavy handed Christianity sprinkled through also irked me, but given the time it was written it makes sense. I suppose this is a case of expecting more from the book than is reasonable. For as influential as it is, I expected some real literary value, but it's just an adventure yarn, and not a bad one.

I have managed to watch a fair number of movies this month, though. My favorite by far is Le Samouraï, directed by Jean-Pierre Melville. It is meticulously directed and strictly controlled in all of its details. Le Nouvelle Vague is fast becoming one of my favorite cinema movements, in large part, I think, because of the focus on iconoclasm.

Penelope, starring Christina Ricci, is a lovely little film. It's a properly feminist fairy tale that avoids vitriol and cliché and resolves into a very nearly perfect family movie. The denoument, with its moment of self-revelation, is played with an almost melancholy air. The story resolves, but something innately defining to the characters is given up in the completion of the of fairy tale.

I finally got around to watching Terry Gilliam's Tideland, and, like all of Gilliam's movies, it is a blend of the fantastic and grotesque. The movie opens with Gilliam himself explaining his motivations and telling the audience to suck it up and stop complaining, which is not really how I would go about setting up any difficult work of my own. To be fair, the movie does deal starkly with drug use, mental illness, dead parents, and a really fucking creepy moment of this kind of reverse pedophilia that I can understand Gilliam's desire to defend the work. I'd just have been happier had he let the movie speak for itself, which it is more than capable of doing. It's grotesque and wonderful, and worth the time it takes to watch it.

I was disappointed with Shortbus, mostly because I didn't find it at all shocking or avante garde, which it was billed to be. I liked the cast, and the setting was interesting, but in the end it didn't push any boundaries and didn't present any real resolution to the characters' problems. The story ends with the characters having had more sex than they were having with the movie began, and while sex is awesome, that's not enough to hang a feature length film with.

Alex and I watched Pineapple Express, and it's a good deal of fun, even if it suffers from a sudden genre shift in the final sequence and ends in a surprisingly bloody and unbelievable fashion.

I've kind of stalled with Soft, Sweet Starlight, and need to rework the second section. I'm rewriting Silicon Princess' origin story and am inserting a section of her novel in toward the end of the section. I also need to rethink some of her outfits and the way in which I am handling descriptions.

I'm going to bake several dozen cupcakes for Saturday evening, and I'm seriously considering making a croquembouche as well. I feel like if there's an occasion in my life that warrants a croquembouche, it's my first galler opening.

Bright Colors and Happiness!

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:51:18 GMT

I am formally announcing the opening of Adrian Chin and Julian Betkowski's joint show, Bright Colors and Happiness, at the Panza Gallery in Millvale on February 7th, 2009. There will be cupcakes.

Arts & Crafts

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 21:53:18 GMT

I'm not fond of memes, but I like this one a lot, and I think it will be a lot of fun. Doctor Frank is responsible for infecting me with this, by the way.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done this year.
- You have no clue what it's going to be.
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to post this in your own journal. We can all make stuff!!

If you do not live nearby, I'm going to need a mailing address. This necessarily limits the size of the thing I make for you, but worry not, I will make you a thing.

Diaspora, Darling

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:32:15 GMT

Last night my friend Sarah invited me over for dinner. She made a lovely yellow curry with tofu, and I made a Malaysian Honeycomb Cake. This time I followed the recipe more carefully and didn't substitute a can of coconut milk for the five eggs and the resulting cake did exactly what it was supposed to do. The cake was full of the internal tunnels and bubbles and had a rich, dark caramel flavor so deep it was almost chocolate.

Over dinner we discussed the effects of religion on our lives. It's something I have been considering for a while. Sarah and I both grew up under oppressive Christian sects, and neither of us can deny the effects they had on our lives. I am the man I am largely because of my Jehovah's Witness upbringing. That faith taught me to question damn near everything and be very careful about what I believed in. Unfortunately, that questioning was only acceptable when applied to the world outside the Jehovah's Witness faith. Skepticism was diabolical when turned inward.

It was really a result of the intellectual exercises that Jehovah's Witnesses practice that I left the faith. Though I had major doctrinal issues with the Watchtower Society (and some of you have heard this before), it wasn't my sexuality that drove me away. If I believed that the Watchtower Society was truly the mouthpiece of God, I do think I could have bent myself to their agenda. I never did, though. In the end, I couldn't tell someone else that they were wrong. That they're faith wasn't right, and mine was, and they should give up their faith for mine. I couldn't proselytize in good faith. I could not fulfill my primary obligation as a Jehovah's Witness. Even though I knew all the words, all the dogma, I didn't feel it in my heart, it didn't sing to me. So I left.

That skepticism was fostered by the BBC, the Discovery Channel, and PBS. I wasn't a latchkey kid, but public television had a larger role in my childhood than my parents did.

One of the things Sarah and I agreed on was that should we ever be in charge of raising children, we would both want to instill the lessons we learned from oppressive religious experiences without inducing the trauma that accompanies them. I'm fairly certain that thus I will ruin any child left in my care.

I've also recently discovered the Post-Punk band, Furious Pig. Unfortunately, they only recorded one three song EP, titled I Don't Like Your Face. The title track is essentially a cover of the Ramayana Monkey Chant, and is absolutely fucking wonderful. Actually the whole EP is fucking wonderful, and if you haven't done so already, you must listen to it.

I have been thinking an awful lot about my art making, and trying to incorporate some of the themes I've been discussing. Working in an abstracted format makes it difficult to convey precise ideas, and one is forced to rely on impressions and suggestions of feelings. Palette is so important in my work, and my current sculpture rely almost entirely on the combination of palette and texture.

I've gone through almost all of the fake hair that Doctor Frank gave, and I'm very pleased with some of the results of my fake hair experiments (I have two pieces that have crossed out of the realm of experiment into realized sculpture). I'm wanting to work up three or so more midsized pieces for the show in February, and I think these hair experiments are going to add an interesting element to my oeuvre.

I am looking forward to the year ahead, which is kind of a new experience for me. Last year I was also excited for new beginnings, and for continued adventures, and this year I'm even more enthused. Tomorrow is Barack Obama's inauguration and I am looking forward to it immensely. I don't expect much to change, but I think we as a nation deserve a President with smooth, soothing voice, and a lovely stylish wife.